just got off the phone with god. i must build an ark with room for 2 transbians, 2 passoids, 2 latehons, 2 ripped transmasc passoids, 2 transfems who actually like topping and its not a lie or a cope, 2 theyfabs, 2 former chasers, 2 trans milfs, 2 vtubers, 2 post srs youngshits, 2 twitter highbies, 2 transfem game devs, 2 trans radfems, 2 tgirls who are really into hypno, 2 gigapassoids, 2 giraffes, 2 transmasc tiktokers, 2 vriska kinnies, 2 transfem linux users, 2 transfem gentoo users, 2 twinkhons, 2 tboys with cishet boyfriends who dont respect them, 2 tgirls with a military hyperfixation and a job they cant talk about, 2 neet girls with military hyperfixation, transhet couple who touch grass, 2 transfems with a bandcamp, 2 npd tgirls, terminally online transhet couple, 2 tgirls with curly hair and glasses, 2 eggs, 2 anarchist transfems, 2 boymoders, 2 snoymoders, 2 scottish tgirls (the thicker the accent the better), 2 tgirls over 6 foot who are neither passoids nor hons, 2 lilies, 2 aidens, 2 transfems who play a fighting game and go to tournaments, 2 bpd puppygirls, and one cishet couple
credit to @keris3ne

*showing my tinder date my phone* no. ugh. you don't get it. this girl with the massive penis on my twitter feed? shes just my friend. we sit naked together in discord calls screensharing tiktok to each other. whats discord? nevermind. no we don't have sex we just talk about how cruel and unfair this fucking existence is
credit to @Lispy_Dipshit

Your name is DAVE. A soft boy like you is sure to have plenty of interests. You rave about BANDS EVERYONE’S HEARD OF like LEMON DEMON and CAVETOWN. You HATE rap. If inspiration strikes, you won’t hesitate to drop a UKELELE RIFF on a mofo and REPRESENT.
credit to @kushandlyriks

zoey 6 months hrt 🏳️‍⚧️:
diy hrt is unsafe
please go to the doctors who think 2mg estradiol oral is a healthy dose 🥺 pretty please :333

her handler:
ok now tell them to invest in raytheon
credit to Kirbizia

when meeting new people remember to keep it light and casual. use our conversation starters if you get in trouble
light and casual, got it
he's pulling the pregnancy card THIS EARLY?
if he u-turns the topic back to cardboard manufacturing we might clutch this

"none of these words are in the bible XDDD"
so is 90% of modern vernacular you unoriginal gooners, im literally making up words cause they sound funny
credit to Kirbizia

im trans and im gay. saturnultra is my savior. rural internet is my favorite. i wanna listen to ilysm. i like whats on twitter. r-r-r-r-real. money world! lock me down. inject me. inject again. im gay, trans, and flicky. stomach book is my savior. mspaint is woke.
credit to the crash blossoms twitter account

do you ever find yourself talking to another queer person and they say something so offputting and bizarre that it makes you come to a startling realization that they exclusively get their queer and political theory off of tiktok and instagram infographics
credit to @hoochiesquid

"i'm a good parent, my son turned out fine!" your daughter wishes that vriska sekret would abuse her
credit to @vristradiol or @forestfiretgirl

Sorry it took us so long to save you from TIME PRISON, Dave
So what did you do in TIME PRISON
After 50 years I started to feel like I was losing my sanity so I started to break my fingers and I would just break my fingers and set them again
I started breaking all my bones. I broke every bone in my hands.
I broke my arms, separately, and then I started to break my own ribs, I broke my femurs, it took a while. And then I healed and broke them again.
After 5000 years my bones were all scar tissue. They had all grown so solidly back together that I was unable to move. And after another 5000 years of furious infintesim movement, I built up enough muscle mass to spontaneously break any bone in my body, and then I could move again. My body had done so much healing that I healed almost instantly.
That is all I do now. Every time I move my body, my bones shatter and heal back into my next shape. If I take a single step every bone in my legs splinters and then reforms. I don't know what pain is because I have been alive for 10 million years.
Ok Dave but it looks like you're just walking normal
I know
Ok well that's stupid
credit to @ScribblerSys and @bruhkitkat

“sorry for traumadumping” what are you talking about this word is of no relevance to me. you could cry a river and i will build us a raft to float on
credit to @thosegrose on twitter

i don't “goon” a lady never “goons” i lay beneath a blooming blossom tree in a field of poppies while near bard strums sonnet of the sea and i seriously stroke that shit fr
credit to @smellytgirl on twitter shes a real one !!!