Shaking in an ice tent's photons,
My amalgam eyes only see
frozen light, they want to go back
to the void. Not today, until then,
rolling on willpower, stumbling,
under azure sky and rusty street lamps,
treading the snow like my mental cone.
im at cocytus and about to fall in
to the river of woe, theres no sound or touch
that could reach me, while i forgot
that i exist, im in a different land, everything
is so sharp, cold, symmetric, straight
maybe if i count the minutes ill get out faster?
geometric forms where my oar is also my
brush, meeting with myself
now its so much clear, the fungi
on my boat, rotting -
am i really off to acheron?
does these hands belong to me?
am i the one bending them? am i in
one of artisophanes' and sophocles' works? my
heart races, i want this, but i can only see stars,
i have to sit down, there is no inanimate object
i can hug until i feel worthy.
this kind of slow death, nameless sickness
really screws up your definition of alive.
and its hard to face something
that youve been shoving in the closet for so long.
ill take a break so i wont feel my disgustingly
persistent little biological pump,
im wearing Lethe's clothes, under us
are tears that have not been shed, we wait in
broken, hollow rafts.
every drop is sharp, you can't look out,
currently they are rescuing a cargo ship
in our way, candytuft in a
not very valuable porcelain,
am i watching a cartoon right now?
they didnt look at my ship,
didnt even ask what name i gave to it,
they pretended they know every
plank's past, feelings,
and they told me, every watercraft
is dysfunctional, i shouldnt pay attention to it
and that i should ignore that from this forest
every tree has been sick, oriented, clean piece,
nine-eight-nine-zero, emodisorder,
but at least i got a letter,
let's go to Styx!
to get there, i need to go back
to where it all started, i dont even
have the courage to look out from the window,
the view is a frozen knife.
spin the wheel!
i dont know how and when should i go,
i only remember my painful journeys,
i dont feel worthy for this, but i could minimize
my discomfort. it hurts, but not that much as
having to hide my own ship.
i appreciate that you worry about me but im anxious enough, thank you.
and its particularly depressing to travel with a diesel engine ship,
especially while talking.
i can row eternally, to anywhere, at the end of the day i
will share a place with these people,
i dont have a door nor a key,
i didnt grow our waters supply for years,
yet i make you to do so.
yeah i dont feel like i received a gift,
and of course i would rather listen to the sound of the water.
however hard this journey was, im there.
Oh, the colorful fence! Unforgettable!
This page makes me able to pass Styx,
and this card, key to indifferent hospitals,
i got up without a meaning. again.
i feel like my stay is meaningless again,
dont talk to me in third person please (in hungarian its a pun)
it was a mistake to stay here, now i crave for
chaos' embrace, ill tell you more when my mother leaves, darling.
i fulfill the criteria of this comical book.
oh, in my own words? ive been broken the whole time,
i only realized recently. everything makes so much sense now.
if i die at least i should stop making grammar mistakes?
i mean, i dont mind staying in a room for twenty three hours, maybe i could finish
my procrastinated projects, bed with a wooden frame,
wide door, the light of snow. but dont give me roommates!
ive burnt out and maybe because i had an attempt?
you dont have a free space and you are trying to convince me to go home?
do you think im making this up? am i valid?
can someone be sick enough? can i exist this way?
i dont want to talk about it!
my shaky voice is even more pathetic than usual -
dont look in my eyes!
im feeling my tears -
I can go home.
It seems Minos has forgiven me.
It would be her bag because its pink?
ive been robbed from most of my possessions,
although if you dont have a ship, you cant keep a ship journal, i guess.
and i dont have anyone to miss.
i dont know how i could hurt myself with a pet bottle,
please, leave me alone after this.
medical restraint, looking fresh, so to speak,
rolling bed, empty mattress, sleeping monitor -
if it doesnt work here, lets try somewhere else.
I met Charon! He didn't speak, though.
this is a bad joke that we'll laugh off later, right?
i dont want to be this vulnerable in front of you -
my socks too? at least you complimented it, i appreciate it.
my hoodies cord is a great security threat, i agree,
banned items, rose-
wrong name. you all are scary, how can you
be not afraid of your own voice? it was a bad idea to
look in anyones eyes.
if you dont mind, ill think over what i have to say. im anxious.
It's a lot, but I'd rather not speak about it.
Rubber finger? I have no idea what that is but it sounds really worrying.
orphanage, sounds very interesting, meanwhile
the local legendary gastronomy,
and the tea is so unique too!
im afraid of this place,
but my hope is not rotten anymore.