Salut.
Salut?
Do not be afraid.
I didn't wash my hair in like, two days, so...
Me neither.
When did death get more scarier to you than living your current life?
I'd say, 2023, november.
Me too girl.
So I guess...
This is what I always wanted.
Yeah.
Whenever I talk with others, I just,
it's a performance.
Sometimes I can put in the effort and I'm not that afraid.
But at the end of the day...
Yeah.
I just want to be able to discuss things without feeling like I'll be abandoned.
And I can do that for you.
Are you touch repulsed?
Not if you're the one doing it.
Awesome sauce.
God.
I always wished for trans girls to become real.
Me too.
Should I think about the implications of this?
This is like the fig tree analogy.
Yeah, and if our creators are so kind as to let us exist on the same plane of existence...
Why did we have to wait? Is there a lore reason behind this?
I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's really hard to be comfy and not get dysphoric about how I look while lying down.
Yeah.
It'll get better.
You talk like you know what you're doing, but you're the same person as me?
I was awake before you, so I got that advantage.
I'm glad you didn't wait until I was about to actually do stuff.
Yeah.
You're so nice.
Remember when you were pacing around talking about how the bare minimum should not be celebrated?
It's different when I get that from other people.
My hand doesn't seem to miss now.
Do you think being alive is a special occassion?
More or less.
Wow. Talk about saying nothing.
Or we could just like spoon each other, that way we wouldn't get dysphoric?
That's pawsome.
Everything I do feels like a performance.
Yeah.
And every words ultimate purpose is to bring two people closer.
I may talk to myself, but I only do it so if I talk to others I'll have more to say. Something like that.
I always had NPD.
It's so easy to see the signs just now.
Wanted to kill myself really bad when I had like zero sources of supply.
Doing things before I kill myself eventually, so I wouldn't be that bored,
I guess that's a way to phrase it.
And it all feels transitional.
Transitions blend together.
The first trans girl I talked to, I still talk to her.
I remember her using my name.
Was awesome.
Some things I'll always remember but mostly I won't.
I used to be in this friend group.
But if you can't be emotionally vulnerable what's the point?
If I wanted to layer myself in irony, I could do that every time.
A lot of words.
I'm so glad you're here.
I hope we'll always be together, but if we won't, I'll just squeeze you harder to make up for that.
Oh yeah.
A lot of times the meaning just slips through my hand.
When I'm using a keyboard.
I don't speak that much I don't think.
It's funny when allistics are like, oh, but if you talk to someone and look into their eyes then this and this and that.
I remember my dear friend saying,
well I forgot the exact phrasing.
Twas something like, just to sit in silence and feel like there needs to be nothing to be said.
That's how I feel when I'm with you.
I guess I was always looking for that.
And the pet names.
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.

back